31 min read
Family Law
Every Other Weekend Custody: What Colorado Parents Need to Know About 80/20 Parenting Time
Here's what most people assume when they hear "every other weekend custody": that it's an outdated arrangement from the 1950s that courts don't use anymore, that Colorado automatically gives parents 50/50 custody unless someone did something terrible, or that getting "just" every other weekend means you've lost your custody case. Maybe you've heard that fathers never get more than every other weekend, or that this schedule is somehow punishing or unfair.
The reality? Every other weekend custody—what Colorado family courts technically call an "80/20 parenting time arrangement"—is alive and well in 2026 and remains one of the most common custody schedules ordered by Colorado courts. It's not a relic. It's not a punishment. And it's not automatically unfair. In fact, for many Colorado families dealing with distance between homes, demanding work schedules, or children who need maximum stability, an 80/20 schedule serves the children's best interests better than any alternative. But here's what nobody tells you: the difference between 92 overnights per year (just under 80/20) and 93 overnights per year (just over) can cost you thousands of dollars in child support, thanks to Colorado's parenting time adjustment calculation. One overnight can literally be worth $200-400 per month in support obligations.
Understanding What "Every Other Weekend Custody" Actually Means in Colorado
First, let's clear up the terminology, because Colorado abolished the words "custody" and "visitation" back in 1999. What people call "custody" is now "allocation of parental responsibilities" and "decision-making authority." What people call "visitation" is now "parenting time." The change wasn't just semantic—it reflected a shift toward viewing both parents as having ongoing responsibilities rather than one parent having "custody" and the other getting "visits" like they're a distant relative.
When people say "every other weekend custody," they're typically describing an 80/20 parenting time split where:
One parent (the "primary residential parent") has the children approximately 80% of the time—roughly 292 out of 365 overnights per year
The other parent (the "parenting time parent") has the children approximately 20% of the time—roughly 73 overnights per year
The standard schedule includes alternating weekends (typically Friday after school through Sunday evening or Monday morning) plus sometimes a midweek visit
But here's the thing: "every other weekend" isn't actually standardized. Some 80/20 arrangements include a midweek overnight, bringing the split closer to 70/30. Some include only alternating weekend days without overnights for very young children. Some extend the weekend from Thursday evening through Monday morning. The label "every other weekend" covers a range of actual schedules, and the specific details matter enormously—especially for child support calculations.
The Math That Actually Matters: 92 Overnights Changes Everything
In Colorado child support calculations, there's a threshold that fundamentally alters how support is computed: 92 overnights per year.
If the non-primary parent has fewer than 92 overnights annually (less than about 25%), the standard child support formula applies with no adjustment for shared parenting time. The assumption is that the primary parent bears essentially all the ongoing daily expenses—housing, food, utilities, school costs—and the other parent's parenting time is limited enough that they're not incurring substantial duplicate expenses.
If the non-primary parent has 92 or more overnights annually (25% or more), Colorado's child support guidelines apply a "parenting time adjustment" that recognizes both parents are incurring significant expenses during their time with the children. This adjustment typically reduces the amount of child support the non-primary parent pays, sometimes by several hundred dollars per month.
Here's what this means for the "every other weekend" schedule:
Pure alternating weekends only: Friday evening through Sunday evening, every other week = approximately 104 overnights per year. This crosses the 92-overnight threshold and triggers the parenting time adjustment.
Alternating weekends without one mid-month weekend: Three weekends per month = approximately 78 overnights per year. This falls below the 92-overnight threshold, meaning no parenting time adjustment and higher child support obligations.
Every other weekend plus one midweek overnight: Adds roughly 52 additional overnights per year (one per week) for a total of about 156 overnights. This significantly crosses the threshold and further reduces child support.
The difference between 91 overnights and 92 overnights isn't about who's the "better parent" or who "won" custody. But it can easily represent a $2,000-5,000 annual difference in child support obligations depending on the parents' incomes.
This is why strategic thinking about the parenting schedule matters. If you're negotiating a parenting plan and the other parent is offering you "every other weekend," your first question should be: "How many actual overnights per year does that schedule provide, and does it cross the 92-overnight threshold?"
Why Courts Still Order 80/20 Schedules: It's About the Children, Not Punishment
Colorado courts make all parenting time decisions based on "the best interests of the child" standard under C.R.S. § 14-10-124. This isn't code for "mothers always win" or "fathers get screwed." It's a legal framework that requires judges to consider specific factors and make individualized determinations about what serves each particular child's needs.
Courts commonly order 80/20 schedules when:
1. Geographic distance makes frequent transitions impractical
If parents live 45 minutes apart, having a child commute to school from alternating homes each week creates logistical nightmares and robs the child of stability. An 80/20 schedule with the school-zone parent having primary time often makes more sense than forcing equal time when parents live in different school pastricts.
2. Work schedules prevent one parent from handling school-week responsibilities
If one parent works 12-hour hospital shifts, travels extensively for work, works nights, or has unpredictable on-call responsibilities, that parent may not be able to provide consistent weekday care including school drop-off/pick-up, homework supervision, and weeknight routines. An 80/20 schedule allows that parent meaningful weekend time without the logistical impossibilities of split school weeks.
3. One parent has been the primary caretaker throughout the child's life
If one parent has been a stay-at-home parent or has handled the vast majority of the child's day-to-day care since birth, drastically changing that arrangement "for fairness" to the parents can harm the child's sense of stability and security. Courts often maintain continuity of care arrangements, especially for younger children.
4. The child is very young and benefits from a primary home base
Developmental research suggests that younger children (particularly under age 3) often do better with a clear primary home and more limited time away from their primary attachment figure. As children get older and more adaptable, courts often transition to more equal time-sharing arrangements.
5. The child has special needs requiring consistency and routine
Children with autism, ADHD, anxiety disorders, or other conditions that make them particularly sensitive to transitions and changes in routine may function better with a primary residential arrangement that minimizes transitions.
6. Parental conflict is high and frequent transitions create ongoing conflict
More transitions mean more exchanges. More exchanges mean more opportunities for conflict. If parents can't communicate without hostility, sometimes reducing the number of transitions serves the child's emotional well-being, even if it means less equal time.
None of these scenarios mean the non-primary parent is "unfit" or "lost" custody. They mean the court looked at the specific facts of the case and determined that this particular schedule best serves this particular child's needs.
And critically: parenting time arrangements can be modified as circumstances change. An 80/20 schedule when your child is 3 years old and you're working 60-hour weeks doesn't have to be your permanent arrangement. As children age, as work situations stabilize, as parents' ability to communicate improves, schedules can and do evolve.
The Financial Reality: How 80/20 Affects Child Support
Let's talk about the money, because pretending this isn't a significant factor in custody arrangements is naive. Child support calculations in Colorado are tightly connected to parenting time arrangements, and understanding this connection helps you make informed decisions.
Colorado uses the "Income Shares Model" for child support calculation, which attempts to approximate what parents would have spent on their children if the family had remained together. The calculation considers:
Both parents' monthly gross income
Number of children
Overnights each parent has per year
Health insurance costs for the children
Work-related childcare expenses
Extraordinary medical or educational expenses
For an 80/20 schedule with fewer than 92 overnights for the non-primary parent:
The parenting time parent pays child support calculated on the full formula with no adjustment. If you earn significantly more than the other parent, expect substantial monthly payments.
For an 80/20 schedule with 92+ overnights for the non-primary parent:
The formula applies a "shared parenting time" calculation that recognizes both households are incurring expenses. This typically reduces (but doesn't eliminate) the child support obligation.
Real-world example:
Parent A earns $7,000/month. Parent B earns $3,000/month. They have two children.
With 80 overnights per year for Parent A (below the 92-overnight threshold): Parent A might pay approximately $1,400/month in child support.
With 104 overnights per year for Parent A (above the 92-overnight threshold): Parent A might pay approximately $1,100/month in child support—a $300/month ($3,600/year) difference.
This is why negotiations about "every other weekend" vs. "every other weekend plus Thursday nights" aren't just about parent-child bonding time. They're about meaningful financial stakes.
Here's what you need to understand about the child support calculation with 80/20 arrangements:
The non-primary parent almost always pays child support. Even if you're earning equal incomes, the parent with fewer overnights typically pays support to the parent with more overnights, because the primary residential parent is incurring ongoing daily expenses for housing, food, utilities, and other costs.
High-income parents pay substantial support regardless of the schedule. If you're earning $150,000 annually and your ex earns $50,000, you're paying significant child support whether you have 73 overnights or 104 overnights. The parenting time adjustment will reduce your obligation, but it won't make it small.
The calculation accounts for health insurance and childcare. If you're paying for the children's health insurance through your employer, that cost gets factored into the support calculation. If the primary parent is paying for full-time childcare so they can work, that cost gets factored in and often increases your support obligation.
Voluntary unemployment or underemployment doesn't work. Courts can "impute" income to you based on your earning capacity. If you're a lawyer who quits your job to work at Starbucks to reduce your support obligation, the court will calculate your support based on lawyer income, not barista income. And now you've got barista income to pay lawyer-level support. Terrible strategy.
Extraordinary expenses get added on top. If your child has extraordinary medical needs (chronic conditions, expensive therapies, significant uninsured expenses), those costs get added to the basic support obligation. Same with private school tuition if both parents agreed to private education.
Support continues until age 19 (or 21 if still in high school). Your support obligation doesn't end when your kid turns 18. It continues until they graduate high school or turn 19, whichever comes first—or age 21 if they're still in high school. This is longer than most parents realize.
What the "Every Other Weekend" Schedule Actually Looks Like (The Real Details Matter)
Generic phrases like "every other weekend" hide enormous variation in actual schedules. Let's get specific about what courts commonly order and what you should be negotiating.
Standard alternating weekend schedule:
Parenting time parent has
: Alternating weekends from Friday at 5:00 PM (or after school) through Sunday at 5:00 PM (or Monday morning before school if logistics allow)
Holidays
: Alternating major holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve/Day, New Year's, Easter, 4th of July, etc.) and possibly splitting spring break
Summer
: Often 2-4 weeks of uninterrupted summer parenting time
Special occasions
: Each parent typically has the children on their own birthday and the children's birthdays alternate or are split
Total overnights: Approximately 104 per year (52 weekends × 2 nights), plus holiday overnights (varies but adds roughly 10-15), plus summer weeks (adds 14-28)—usually landing somewhere between 128-147 overnights per year, well above the 92-overnight threshold.
Every other weekend plus midweek visit (without overnight):
Same as above, but add one non-overnight midweek visit, typically Wednesday evening from 4:00 PM to 7:00 PM or similar. This allows midweek contact but doesn't add overnights to the calculation.
Total overnights: Same as above, 128-147 per year, because the midweek visits don't include overnights.
Every other weekend plus midweek overnight:
Same weekend schedule, but the midweek visit includes an overnight—typically Wednesday after school through Thursday morning before school.
Total overnights: Base weekend overnights (104) plus midweek overnights (52) plus holidays (10-15) plus summer (14-28) = 180-199 overnights per year, approaching a 50/50 split but still weighted toward the primary residential parent.
Extended weekend schedule:
Weekends run from Thursday after school through Monday morning before school on alternating weeks, creating 3-night weekends instead of 2-night weekends.
Total overnights: 156 weekend overnights (52 weekends × 3 nights) plus holidays plus summer = approximately 180-210 overnights per year, very close to equal time.
Three-weekends-per-month schedule:
Instead of strictly alternating weeks, the parenting time parent has the first, third, and fifth weekends each month (if there's a fifth weekend), creating a more consistent presence but slightly less total time than strict alternating weekends.
Total overnights: Approximately 78 weekend overnights, plus holidays, plus summer = roughly 102-135 overnights per year depending on holiday and summer arrangements. This can fall either above or below the 92-overnight threshold depending on how holidays and summer are structured.
The devil is in the details. When you're reviewing a proposed parenting plan or settlement agreement, don't just nod along at "every other weekend." Count the actual overnights. Ask how holidays are handled. Clarify whether "weekend" means Friday-Sunday or Friday-Monday. Understand whether that means 80 overnights per year or 140 overnights per year—because those scenarios have vastly different financial and practical implications.
When Every Other Weekend Makes Sense (And When It Doesn't)
Every other weekend gets a bad reputation among fathers' rights advocates and some family law professionals who push for 50/50 arrangements as the default. But the truth is more nuanced.
Every other weekend schedules work well when:
The non-primary parent travels extensively or has unpredictable work demands. If you're a pilot, long-haul trucker, traveling consultant, or work in a field with unpredictable schedules, trying to maintain 50/50 time creates constant stress and last-minute rescheduling. Concentrating your parenting time into predictable weekend blocks when you know you'll be available gives your children consistency rather than disappointment.
Parents live 45+ minutes apart. Ask yourself: is it reasonable for your child to spend 90 minutes per day (or more) commuting between households during the school week? Sometimes distance makes equal time logistically untenable. An 80/20 schedule where the child lives in one school zone and has weekend time with the distant parent often serves children better than trying to force 50/50 when it means 2-3 hours of daily driving.
One parent's home isn't appropriate for full-time residence. Maybe you're living in a one-bedroom apartment temporarily. Maybe you're staying with relatives while you get back on your feet post-separation. Maybe your living situation isn't stable yet. Courts don't expect you to have a perfect three-bedroom house to get parenting time—but they do consider whether each home can practically accommodate the children for extended periods. An 80/20 schedule while you stabilize your housing situation can transition to 50/50 once circumstances improve.
The child is very young (under 3) and benefits from a primary attachment figure. Developmental research consistently shows young children do best with a primary caregiver and predictable routine. If one parent has been the primary caretaker since birth, abruptly switching to 50/50 time can be disruptive. Starting with 80/20 while gradually increasing time as the child gets older often serves the child's developmental needs better than forcing equal time from day one.
The parents' co-parenting relationship is hostile and high-conflict. More transitions = more conflict opportunities. If every exchange results in arguments, accusations, and stress that the children witness, reducing the number of exchanges by using an 80/20 schedule with longer blocks of time can reduce children's exposure to parental conflict. This isn't ideal—the ideal is working on your communication—but sometimes reducing contact between parents serves the children's best interests.
Every other weekend schedules DON'T work well when:
Both parents are capable, available, and live near each other, but one parent wants to "win" by getting primary status. If you and your ex both live within the same school district, both work Monday-Friday 9-5 schedules, both are competent parents, and the only reason for 80/20 instead of 50/50 is "I don't think they deserve equal time"—that's not serving your children's best interests. That's serving your ego.
The non-primary parent is perfectly capable of handling school-week responsibilities but gets shut out anyway. If you're a competent parent with a stable home, predictable work schedule, and strong relationship with your children, but you're getting "every other weekend" because your ex filed first or because of outdated gender assumptions—that's worth fighting. Modern Colorado courts increasingly recognize that children benefit from substantial time with both parents when both parents are fit and willing.
The schedule is being used as leverage for financial negotiations. If someone is offering you "I'll agree to 50/50 custody if you waive child support" or "I want primary custody so you have to pay more support"—run, don't walk, to a family law attorney. Custody arrangements should be about the children's needs, not financial manipulation. And for the record: Colorado courts won't approve agreements that waive child support, because support is the child's right, not the parents' right to bargain away.
The child is old enough to express preferences and desperately wants more time with both parents. Colorado courts can consider children's wishes once they're old enough to express reasoned preferences (usually around age 12-14, though this varies). If your teenager is begging for more time with you and the only reason they're not getting it is inertia or the other parent's resistance—that's worth revisiting through a modification.
The Modification Path: How to Change 80/20 to Something Else
Here's the thing most parents don't realize: parenting time orders aren't etched in stone. They can be modified when circumstances substantially change or when it serves the children's best interests.
Common triggers for modifying from 80/20 to more equal time:
The child is older now. That 80/20 schedule made sense when your child was 2. They're 8 now, more adaptable, less dependent on routine, able to handle transitions better. Courts regularly transition young children from primary residential arrangements to 50/50 or closer-to-equal schedules as children age.
You've stabilized your work schedule. When you got divorced, you were working 60-hour weeks and traveling constantly. You've changed jobs, or you've moved to a different role in your company, and you now work predictable hours Monday-Friday with no travel. Your circumstances have substantially changed, and you're now able to provide school-week care you couldn't provide before.
You've moved closer to your children's school. You used to live 90 minutes away. You've relocated to within the same school district. The practical obstacles to equal time-sharing no longer exist. This is a substantial change in circumstances that supports modification.
The other parent's circumstances have changed negatively. If the primary residential parent develops a substance abuse problem, gets into a relationship with someone who's dangerous around your children, becomes unemployed and unstable, or otherwise experiences circumstances that make their home less appropriate for primary residence—you can seek modification based on changed circumstances.
Your children are asking for more time with you. Once children are old enough to express reasoned preferences (usually 12+), courts give weight to their wishes. If your teenagers are consistently asking to spend more time with you and the current arrangement isn't working for them, that's a basis for modification.
The standard for modification is "substantial and continuing change in circumstances that serves the children's best interests." You can't modify just because you're unhappy with the original arrangement or you think the other parent is annoying. You need to show that something meaningful has changed since the original order and that the requested modification serves your children's needs.
Important procedural notes about modifications:
You need to file a motion to modify parenting time with the court. You can't just unilaterally change the schedule because you and your ex verbally agreed to something different. Courts only enforce what's written in orders. If you're informally doing 50/50 but your order says 80/20, you're legally still at 80/20, and if your ex decides to revert to the written order, they can.
Modifications usually take effect from the date you file the motion, not retroactively to when circumstances changed. If you lost your job in January but didn't file for modification until June, you still owe child support at the old amount for January-May. File immediately when circumstances change.
The court can order parental responsibility evaluations (PRE). If you and your ex can't agree on the modification, the court may appoint a neutral mental health professional to evaluate your family situation and make recommendations. These evaluations are expensive (often $3,000-10,000) and time-consuming, but they provide the court with expert input about what serves your children's best interests.
Mediation is often required before you can go to trial. Colorado courts strongly favor parents working out their own agreements rather than having judges impose solutions. You'll likely be required to attend mediation before you can get a contested hearing on your modification motion.
Every Other Weekend Plus Child Support: The Combined Financial Picture
Here's what keeps parents up at night: you're paying child support based on an 80/20 arrangement, which means substantial monthly payments, AND you're incurring your own expenses when you have the children during your parenting time. It feels like double-paying.
This frustration is understandable but reflects a misunderstanding of how the child support calculation works. The formula attempts to account for both parents' expenses. Let's break it down.
What child support covers (in theory):
Child support is meant to help cover the children's basic needs including:
Housing (their share of rent/mortgage, utilities, household expenses)
Food and household supplies
Clothing
School supplies and fees
Basic medical and dental expenses
Transportation
Basic extracurricular activities
What child support does NOT cover:
Extraordinary medical expenses (which are typically split separately)
Extraordinary educational expenses (private school, tutoring, special programs)
Childcare costs (which are factored separately in the support calculation)
Health insurance premiums (also factored separately)
What you're still paying during your parenting time:
During your every-other-weekend parenting time, you're directly paying for:
Food when they're with you
Entertainment and activities during your time
Your own housing (which needs space for them)
Transportation during your parenting time
Clothing they keep at your house
Any incidentals and extras
This is why the parenting time adjustment exists for parents with 92+ overnights. The formula recognizes that once you cross a certain threshold of parenting time, you're incurring duplicate household expenses that reduce your ability to pay support to the other household.
Common frustrations and realities:
"I'm paying child support but my ex isn't spending it on the kids!" This is the #1 complaint among child support payors. Here's the hard truth: there is no accounting requirement for how child support is spent. The law presumes the custodial parent will use the money for the children's benefit, and courts won't micromanage spending. The only exception is if there's actual evidence of child neglect or inappropriate care—which is a child welfare issue, not a child support issue.
Does your ex's new tattoo offend you because you're paying child support? Too bad. You don't get to approve their spending. The support goes into their account, and they spend it how they see fit. If your children are adequately housed, fed, clothed, and cared for, that's the standard. Not whether you approve of your ex's personal spending choices.
"I want to pay for things directly instead of giving money to my ex." Understandable impulse, completely impractical and illegal. You can't substitute in-kind contributions for court-ordered child support. You can't say "instead of paying $1,000 in support, I'll buy $1,000 of stuff for the kids." That's contempt of court. Pay the ordered support, and THEN if you want to buy extras for your children during your parenting time, that's your choice. But it doesn't replace the support obligation.
"My ex makes good money now, why am I still paying support?" Because child support is calculated based on both parents' incomes and parenting time. If your ex's income increased substantially, that may be grounds for modifying child support (which would reduce your obligation), but you have to actually file for modification. Support doesn't automatically adjust just because circumstances changed. And even with equal incomes, if you have 20% parenting time and your ex has 80%, you're probably still paying some support because they're incurring far more ongoing expenses than you are.
"The child support amount doesn't even cover what it costs to raise kids." This complaint typically comes from custodial parents receiving support, and it's often true. The child support formula provides a baseline contribution from the non-custodial parent, not a full reimbursement of all child-rearing costs. If you're the primary residential parent, you're almost certainly paying more out-of-pocket than you're receiving in support. That's the financial reality of being the primary caregiver.
Strategic Considerations When Negotiating Parenting Time
If you're in the middle of divorce or custody proceedings and every other weekend custody is on the table, here's the strategic reality: you have leverage points and trade-offs to consider.
If you're the proposed primary residential parent:
You're in the driver's seat on parenting time negotiations. Courts favor continuity and primary caretaker arrangements. If you've been the primary parent historically, you're likely to remain the primary residential parent unless the other parent can demonstrate why equal time serves the children better.
But you have vulnerability on child support. The more parenting time you give the other parent, the less child support you'll receive (assuming they're the higher earner or you have similar incomes). If you need that child support money to make ends meet, trading away parenting time for other concessions might hurt you financially.
Consider trading primary residential status for assets or support terms. If your ex is desperate to be the "primary" parent for ego reasons but the practical schedule won't differ much, you might agree to "joint primary residential" or similar language in exchange for more favorable property division, longer-duration spousal maintenance, or other financial benefits. Status can be traded. What matters is the actual schedule.
If you're the proposed non-primary residential parent:
Every overnight you negotiate matters financially and relationally. Fight for that midweek overnight. Push for extended weekends. Maximize your summer parenting time. Each additional overnight reduces your child support obligation and increases your actual parenting time.
But don't fight over parenting time purely for financial reasons. If you're negotiating for more overnights just to reduce child support but you don't actually want or can't handle that time, you're setting yourself up for failure. You'll end up with a schedule you can't maintain, you'll violate it, and you'll end up back in court with your ex seeking modification and you looking like the bad guy.
Document your parenting involvement thoroughly. If you're fighting for 50/50 or more time, you need evidence that you've been an involved, hands-on parent. School pick-up records. Doctor's appointments you've attended. Emails with teachers. Extracurricular activity coaching or attendance. The more you can document your involvement, the stronger your case for substantial parenting time.
For both parents:
Everything is negotiable except what's not. Parenting time schedules are negotiable. Holiday rotations are negotiable. Summer arrangements are negotiable. Decision-making authority is negotiable. What's not negotiable: child support (you can't waive it or agree to an amount that's grossly below the guidelines without court approval), and you can't agree to arrangements that clearly violate the children's best interests.
Consider your children's actual needs, not your ego. Do your children actually need 50/50 time, or do YOU need to "win" by getting equal time? Are you fighting for more overnights because it truly serves your kids, or because you can't stand your ex having "primary" status? Be brutally honest with yourself about whose needs you're serving.
Front-load the specifics in your parenting plan. Vague provisions create conflict. "Reasonable parenting time" means nothing. "Mother has the children alternating weekends from Friday at 5 PM through Sunday at 5 PM plus summer weeks 3-4 and 7-8" means something. The more specific your parenting plan, the fewer disputes you'll have later.
Plan for growth and change. Your 3-year-old's needs are different from your 13-year-old's needs. Consider building in review points or acknowledging that the plan may evolve as children age. Some parents agree to "80/20 until age 5, then 70/30, then 50/50 by age 8" or similar progressive schedules.
The Emotional Reality: Making Peace With Less Than Equal Time
If you're the non-primary parent in an 80/20 arrangement, you're probably struggling emotionally with not having equal time with your children. That's valid. It's painful to drop your kids off on Sunday night knowing you won't see them for another week and a half. It feels unfair that your ex gets day-to-day life with them while you get "visit" time.
Here's what helps (and what doesn't):
What helps:
Focus on quality during your time. You can't control how much time you have, but you can control what you do with it. Make your parenting time count. Be present, engaged, and attentive. Create traditions and routines. Your children will remember the quality of your relationship, not the precise overnight percentage split.
Maximize the time you DO have. If you have every other weekend, use it fully. Don't spend Saturday afternoon golfing while your kids are at home with a babysitter. Don't park them in front of screens while you work on projects. The whole point of fighting for parenting time is to actually parent during that time.
Communicate consistently between visits. If your parenting plan allows for reasonable phone/video contact during the other parent's time, use it. Nightly bedtime video calls, texts after school, involvement in homework help via phone—these maintain connection even when you're not physically together. Just don't abuse it or use it to interfere with the other parent's time.
Document everything positive you do. Not for court (hopefully), but for you. Keep a journal of activities with your children, their milestones you witness, conversations you have. This helps combat the feeling that you're "missing everything" because you're consciously noting what you ARE present for.
Work on your co-parenting relationship. The better you and your ex can communicate and cooperate, the more flexibility you'll have informally. Parents with good co-parenting relationships can swap weekends when work comes up, add extra midweek dinners when schedules allow, and make informal adjustments that courts can never order. Your relationship with your ex directly impacts your relationship with your children.
What doesn't help:
Obsessing over your ex's time. Monitoring what they're doing during their parenting time, criticizing their choices, keeping score of "they took them to Disneyland, that's not fair"—this is toxic and accomplishes nothing. During their parenting time, they're the parent. During your parenting time, you're the parent. Stay in your lane.
Trying to be the "fun parent" to compete. If you're treating every weekend like vacation to win your children's affection, you're not parenting. You're performing. And you're teaching your children that your house is for entertainment while the other parent's house is for actual life. That's not a win.
Badmouthing the other parent to your children. Do not do this. Ever. Not even subtle digs. Not even "jokes" at their expense. Not even when your children complain about them. You're teaching your children that it's acceptable to tear down someone they love. This damages your children and ultimately damages their respect for you.
Using your children as messengers or spies. Don't ask your children to report on what happens at the other parent's house. Don't send messages to your ex through your children. Don't grill them about your ex's new partner. Let your children be children, not information sources or emotional support providers.
Violating the parenting schedule. Don't just keep the kids when you're "supposed" to return them because you want more time. Don't show up early or late to exchanges to manipulate more minutes. Respect the schedule. If you want to modify it, go through the proper legal channels. Contempt of court violations don't make you a hero to your children.
When You Need Legal Help: Protect Your Parenting Time and Your Wallet
Here's when you absolutely need a family law attorney involved in your every-other-weekend custody situation:
You're facing an initial custody determination and your ex wants primary residential custody you don't agree with. Don't represent yourself in initial custody proceedings unless it's truly uncontested. The stakes are too high and the impact too long-lasting. An attorney can help you present evidence of your parenting involvement, challenge assumptions, and negotiate for better time-sharing.
The proposed schedule crosses the 92-overnight threshold, and child support is contested. Given how much money turns on that threshold, you need someone who knows how to calculate the precise overnights and present the numbers correctly to the court. Mistakes in parenting time calculations can cost you thousands annually.
Your ex is trying to modify from 50/50 to 80/20 (or vice versa). Modification proceedings are adversarial and require evidence of substantial changed circumstances. If someone is trying to significantly change your existing arrangement, you need representation to defend against that modification or to support your own modification request.
There are allegations of substance abuse, domestic violence, mental health issues, or other fitness concerns. If anyone is questioning either parent's fitness, you need an attorney. These allegations are taken very seriously by courts and can dramatically impact parenting time. You need someone who knows how to present evidence (if you're the accusing party) or defend against allegations (if you're the accused party).
Your ex is consistently violating the parenting schedule. If the other parent routinely refuses to comply with the court-ordered schedule, refuses exchanges, takes the children when it's not their time, or otherwise violates the order, you need to document these violations and potentially file for contempt. An attorney can help you enforce your parenting time rights.
You're trying to modify an existing order. Modification proceedings require showing substantial changed circumstances and convincing the court the modification serves the children's best interests. This is a legal argument requiring evidence and persuasion. Unless you're a lawyer yourself, get representation.
Get Clear Answers About Your Parenting Time Rights
The Reputation Law Group helps Colorado parents navigate every-other-weekend custody arrangements, negotiate for better parenting time schedules, and modify existing orders when circumstances change. Whether you're facing an initial custody determination, fighting for more time with your children, or dealing with a co-parent who violates the schedule, we provide straightforward legal guidance based on your specific circumstances.
We handle:
Initial parenting time determinations in divorce and custody cases
Modifications to existing parenting time orders
Enforcement actions when the other parent violates the schedule
Complex calculations involving parenting time and child support
High-conflict custody disputes requiring strategic litigation
Negotiations that protect both your parenting time and your financial interests
Every case is different. Your children's ages, the parents' work schedules, geographic distance, relationship history, and dozens of other factors influence what arrangement will work best for your family. Don't assume "every other weekend" is inevitable or unchangeable. And don't assume 50/50 is automatic or always better. The right arrangement is the one that actually serves your specific children's needs while respecting both parents' ability to have meaningful relationships with them.
Schedule a consultation to discuss your specific situation and understand your options under Colorado law. We'll review your current arrangement or proposed schedule, calculate the child support implications, and help you develop a strategy that protects your parenting time and your relationship with your children.
Final Thoughts: It's Not About Winning or Losing
The worst thing you can do in a custody case is approach it like you're trying to "win." Custody isn't a contest between parents. It's a determination about what schedule serves your children's actual needs. When you're focused on beating your ex rather than figuring out what genuinely works best for your kids, everyone loses—especially your children.
Every other weekend custody isn't a judgment on your worth as a parent. It's a schedule. Sometimes it's the right schedule for the circumstances. Sometimes it's not. But it doesn't make you a "visitor" in your children's lives or a second-class parent. Your relationship with your children is built through consistency, presence, attention, and love during the time you DO have—not through fighting over percentages.
If every-other-weekend is what works right now because of distance, work schedules, ages, or other practical realities, work the schedule you have. Be the best parent you can be during your time. Stay involved in your children's lives through communication between visits. And work on the circumstances that might support modification down the road—whether that's moving closer, changing jobs, or improving your co-parenting relationship.
If every-other-weekend is being forced on you unfairly despite your ability and willingness to handle equal or primary time, fight for better. Document your involvement. Present evidence. Show the court why more time serves your children's needs. But fight strategically with legal guidance, not emotionally from a place of wounded ego.
Your children need you to be their parent, not their martyr. They need you showing up consistently during your parenting time, supporting them even during the other parent's time, and maintaining a positive relationship with both of their parents. That's what serves their best interests—not the precise percentage of overnights or whose name appears first on the court order.
The schedule you have today doesn't have to be the schedule you have forever. Circumstances change. Children grow. Parents evolve. What matters most isn't the specific arrangement you start with—it's your commitment to your children and your willingness to adapt as their needs change over time.
