18 min read
Child Custody
Parental Alienation Colorado: The Truth About This Silent Custody Battle
Your child used to run into your arms at pickup. Now they won't even make eye contact. They repeat phrases that sound oddly adult, criticizing you with words that don't match their vocabulary.
When you try to talk about the good times you've shared, they look at you like you're making it up. If this sounds familiar, you might be facing one of the most painful experiences a parent can endure: parental alienation.
The Misconception That Keeps Parents Suffering
Most people think parental alienation is just kids "picking sides" during a divorce. This minimization causes real damage because it masks what's actually happening: psychological manipulation that can permanently destroy parent-child relationships.
The belief that time will fix everything or that children naturally prefer one parent over another keeps targeted parents from taking action until it's too late.
What Parental Alienation Actually Means in Colorado
Parental alienation occurs when one parent uses psychological tactics to damage or destroy the child's relationship with the other parent through manipulation, disparagement, and interference.
This isn't about a child getting temporarily angry with you or preferring one household's rules over another. It's about systematic programming.
Think of it this way: if your child suddenly started believing the sky is green and became hostile when you said it's blue, you'd know something was wrong with their perception of reality.
Parental alienation works the same way—it warps a child's understanding of their relationship with you until they genuinely believe false narratives about who you are and what you've done.
How Colorado Law Addresses This Reality
Here's something that surprises most parents: Colorado has no specific statute that uses the term "parental alienation." But that doesn't mean the courts ignore it.
Colorado Revised Statutes C.R.S. § 14-10-124 requires judges to evaluate "the ability of each party to encourage the love, affection, and contact between the child and the other parent" when making custody decisions.
What this means in plain English: Colorado judges care deeply about whether each parent supports their child's relationship with the other parent.
Colorado Courts recognize that willful interference with parental rights constitutes parental alienation, which is deemed contrary to the child's best interests. The law doesn't need to say "parental alienation" explicitly to treat it seriously.
The Critical Distinction Courts Make
Colorado's statute contains an important caveat: if one parent has committed domestic violence or child abuse, the court will not require the other parent to "encourage" interaction with an abusive parent.
This distinction matters enormously. A parent protecting their child from genuine abuse isn't alienating—they're parenting responsibly.
Courts scrutinize the facts closely to distinguish true parental alienation (an unjustified campaign to undermine the other parent) from situations where a child's estrangement might be justified by abuse, neglect, or serious dysfunction. This is why documentation and professional evaluations become so crucial in these cases.
How Parental Alienation Actually Unfolds
Parental alienation rarely announces itself dramatically. It starts with small, seemingly innocent comments and gradually escalates into something that fundamentally changes your relationship with your child. Understanding the progression helps you recognize it before the damage becomes severe.
The Eight Warning Signs Mental Health Professionals Look For
Dr. Richard Gardner originally developed eight criteria for diagnosing parental alienation in 1985, and these symptoms have held up well as indicators. All of these signs appear in the child's behavior rather than in either parent's actions.
Campaign of Denigration: The child repeatedly complains about the targeted parent over and over again, often making it the first thing they say. Your child doesn't just express one complaint—they maintain a steady drumbeat of criticism that feels rehearsed.
Frivolous Rationalizations: The child gives silly or weak reasons for not wanting to see the targeted parent, with justifications that don't explain the level of hostility. They might say they hate you because you cut their sandwich wrong once, or because you made them do homework. The reason doesn't match the reaction.
Lack of Ambivalence: Children see one parent as totally good and the other as totally bad, with one child telling a therapist "My mother is an angel and my father is a devil." Healthy children feel both positive and negative emotions toward both parents. Alienated children lose this normal complexity.
Independent Thinker Phenomenon: The child goes out of their way to insist these are their own ideas, saying things like "Nobody influenced me. No, my mom didn't tell me what to say, but this is what I think." This protest of independence actually reveals coaching—secure children don't need to constantly prove their opinions are their own.
Automatic Support: The child always chooses the side of one particular parent in any given argument or disagreement. They reflexively defend one parent and attack the other, regardless of the facts.
Absence of Guilt: These children can be very disrespectful and say or do horrible things with absolutely no qualms, showing disregard for the parent's feelings and emotions. Where most children feel bad after hurting a parent, alienated children feel justified.
Borrowed Scenarios: The child tells stories using the exact same words and details that the alienating parent has described, sometimes using identical language. They're not sharing memories—they're repeating scripts.
Spread of Animosity: The child's hatred spreads from the targeted parent to that parent's extended family such as aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Relatives the child previously loved become targets of the same hostility.
Behaviors That Create Alienation
The alienating parent might not think they're doing anything wrong. Sometimes these behaviors stem from unresolved anger or emotional instability rather than malicious intent. But impact matters more than intention.
IF the other parent withholds your birthday gifts from the child THEN they're preventing positive associations with you.
IF they make the child unavailable whenever you call or try to visit THEN they're blocking the relationship you're trying to maintain.
IF they share inappropriate details about your marriage or the divorce with the child THEN they're enlisting the child as an emotional ally against you.
IF they plan tempting activities during your scheduled parenting time and let the child "choose" THEN they're undermining the court order while making you look bad.
IF they refuse to communicate information about school events, medical appointments, or extracurricular activities THEN they're preventing you from showing up as an engaged parent.
What Colorado Courts Can Actually Do About Parental Alienation
When you're losing your relationship with your child, you need to know your options aren't limited to just waiting and hoping. Colorado recognizes that alienating parents may manipulate children, and many times it is seen as a form of child abuse. This recognition translates into real legal remedies.
Modification of Custody Arrangements
The judge can change the allocation of parental responsibilities, as Colorado law permits custody modifications when there's evidence that the child's present environment with one parent endangers their emotional health or development. Severe alienation may meet this standard.
If you can prove parental alienation, the court will likely find that the current custodial parent is unfit and that custody should be changed.
This isn't guaranteed, but it's possible when the evidence is strong. Courts have awarded primary custody to targeted parents when alienation is proven.
Therapeutic Interventions
Courts can order family therapy or reunification therapy to repair the damaged parent-child relationship, with a mental health professional working with the child and the alienated parent to rebuild trust and communication. The alienating parent might also be required to attend counseling to address the behavior.
When parental alienation occurs, it is likely that the Court would order individual therapy for the parties and child, family therapy, or reunification therapy. These aren't just suggestions—they're court orders with real consequences for non-compliance.
Contempt Proceedings and Other Penalties
A parent who refuses to comply with court orders can be held in contempt, and the court may alter parenting arrangements to protect the child.
Contempt can result in fines, make-up parenting time, or even jail time in severe cases. Courts take violations seriously when a parent's obstruction is documented.
The Reality Check About Court Remedies
Even if the Court finds that parental alienation is occurring, the Court may not modify parenting time if such is not in the best interest of the child or could harm the child.
This is where the complexity comes in. Judges must balance punishing the alienating behavior against traumatizing a child by forcing immediate changes to their living situation.
This is exactly why early intervention matters so much. The longer alienation continues, the more entrenched it becomes, and the harder it is for courts to fix without causing additional harm to the child.
Common Myths That Keep Parents From Taking Action
Misinformation about parental alienation keeps targeted parents from protecting their relationships until the damage is severe. Let's address the most dangerous misconceptions directly.
"It's Just a Phase—Kids Always Prefer One Parent Sometimes"
Alienation is not a normal adjustment to divorce; it reflects deeper emotional manipulation. Temporary preference is normal.
A child who wants to live with Mom because she has the bigger TV or Dad because he's more lenient with bedtime is making a kid-appropriate choice. A child who suddenly believes you've never loved them, despite years of evidence to the contrary, is experiencing something different.
"My Child Is Just Naturally Choosing Sides"
True parental alienation involves active psychological conditioning, not just natural preferences. Children don't naturally develop the vocabulary and arguments of adult divorce disputes.
When your ten-year-old starts talking about "your abandonment issues" or "how you destroyed the family," those aren't their words—they're someone else's.
"Only Abusive Parents Get Alienated"
Even caring and attentive parents can be victims of alienation. In fact, sometimes the most devoted parents become targets precisely because the alienating parent feels threatened by the strength of that bond.
The quality of your parenting doesn't protect you from alienation—if anything, it can make you more vulnerable to an insecure ex-spouse's manipulation.
"The Courts Will See Through False Claims"
This one cuts both ways. A genuinely abusive or negligent parent might claim to be a victim of "alienation" in order to shift blame, so courts will scrutinize the facts closely. Courts are cautious because they've seen alienation claims used as weapons by actually problematic parents.
This scrutiny means you need solid evidence. Your sincere belief that alienation is happening won't be enough. You need documentation, professional evaluations, and a clear pattern of alienating behaviors.
"If I Prove Alienation, My Ex Will Lose Custody Immediately"
A parent can lose custody for parental alienation, but only if the court finds that doing so is in the best interests of the child, as Colorado courts are cautious when it comes to modifying custody arrangements.
The court's primary concern is always what's best for the child, not punishing the alienating parent. Sometimes that means gradual changes rather than immediate custody swaps.
What Actually Happens in Colorado Alienation Cases
Understanding typical patterns helps set realistic expectations. While every case has unique elements, certain themes emerge consistently in how Colorado courts handle parental alienation.
The Burden of Proof Falls on You
Winning a parental alienation case in court requires careful preparation and a strategic legal approach, as the burden of proof falls on the parent bringing the claim.
You must prove three things: (1) the other parent is engaging in alienating behaviors, (2) those behaviors are causing demonstrable harm to your relationship with your child, and (3) the child's rejection of you isn't justified by your own behavior.
Colorado courts may not explicitly label the behavior as "parental alienation" but instead require expert confirmation of alienation without any doubt. This means you'll likely need professional evaluations from child psychologists, family therapists, or custody evaluators who specialize in these issues.
What Successful Cases Look Like
One notable case involved a father who initially only had every other weekend with his children, with the mother consistently interfering with parenting time by filing restrictions and denying visitation when she saw fit. The case took four years to resolve.
Throughout the case, the attorney and client gathered substantial evidence to demonstrate the mother's failure to promote a healthy relationship between the children and their father, and with support of expert evaluations and multiple court hearings, they proved parental alienation was occurring.
At the end of this ordeal, the court acknowledged the father's claims, declared the custodial parent unfit, and awarded equal parenting time.
Four years. Let that sink in. Even with solid evidence and expert support, this process took four years of persistent legal action. This isn't meant to discourage you—it's meant to prepare you for the reality that fighting parental alienation requires patience and determination.
When Courts Resist Making Changes
Colorado courts tend to favor equal parenting time unless there are compelling reasons or evidence indicating that it is not in the child's best interest. The flip side of this principle is that courts are reluctant to drastically alter established custody arrangements without very strong evidence of harm.
If your child has been living primarily with the other parent for years, even if you can prove alienation is occurring, the court might order therapeutic intervention before considering a custody change.
Judges worry about compounding trauma by forcibly removing a child from what has become their primary home, even when that parent's behavior caused the problem.
Practical Steps That Actually Protect Your Rights
Knowledge without action leaves you vulnerable. Whether you're just starting to notice concerning signs or you're already deep into a custody battle, these concrete steps can make the difference between preserving and losing your relationship with your child.
Documentation That Courts Take Seriously
Start creating a detailed record now, before the behavior escalates further. This documentation serves two purposes: it helps you see patterns you might otherwise miss, and it provides the evidence courts require.
Keep a Detailed Journal: Record every interaction, every missed phone call, every canceled visit. Include dates, times, what was said, and how your child behaved.
Note the exact words your child uses when criticizing you—especially phrases that sound adult or rehearsed. Documenting canceled visits, hostile communication, and direct statements from the child that reflect alienation is crucial.
Save All Communications: Screenshot text messages, save emails, record voicemails (where legally permitted). Communication records such as text messages or emails that show disparaging remarks or attempts to limit contact serve as important evidence.
Pay special attention to messages where the other parent makes excuses for why your child isn't available, contradicts previously agreed-upon schedules, or makes negative comments about you.
Track School and Medical Records: Keep a written record of comments made by the children referring to detrimental actions taken by the other parent.
Also document when you're excluded from school conferences, medical appointments, or extracurricular events. Request copies of all records directly from schools and medical providers to establish your engagement.
Record Behavioral Changes: Note specific changes in your child's demeanor toward you. When did the warmth disappear? When did they start refusing hugs or avoiding eye contact?
What specific criticisms do they make, and do those criticisms match reality? These behavioral observations help professionals understand the progression of alienation.
When to Involve Professionals
Seek a professional evaluation by a family therapist with experience identifying and treating children who've experienced parental alienation.
Not all therapists understand this dynamic, so specifically ask about their experience with alienation cases. A qualified evaluator can assess whether your child's behavior results from alienation or from other factors like legitimate grievances or developmental stages.
A child psychologist or parental alienation expert can provide professional insight and evidence. In court, expert testimony carries significant weight. Your testimony about what you've observed matters, but a trained professional's independent assessment validates your concerns and helps the court understand the psychological dynamics at play.
How to Find the Right Attorney
Not every family law attorney understands parental alienation or knows how to prove it effectively. When interviewing potential attorneys, ask these specific questions:
"How many parental alienation cases have you handled, and what were the outcomes?"
"What evidence do you consider most important in proving alienation?"
"Which expert witnesses do you typically work with on these cases?"
"What's the realistic timeline for a case like mine?"
"How do you approach cases where the child is firmly aligned with the other parent?"
"What are the costs associated with expert evaluations and prolonged custody litigation?"
An attorney who immediately promises you'll get full custody is either naive or dishonest. Look for someone who explains the challenges honestly while demonstrating a clear strategy for building your case.
Red Flags That Demand Immediate Action
Some situations can't wait for a strategic legal approach. If you notice these warning signs, contact an attorney immediately:
Complete Cutoff: The other parent suddenly blocks all communication between you and your child, ignoring court-ordered parenting time entirely.
False Abuse Allegations: The other parent or child makes accusations of abuse that you know are false. These claims must be taken seriously and addressed immediately with legal help.
Talk of Relocation: The other parent announces plans to move out of state or a significant distance away, which would make maintaining your relationship nearly impossible.
Extreme Behavioral Changes: Your child goes from loving you to refusing to be in the same room with you over the course of days or weeks, not gradually over months.
Interference with Mental Health Treatment: The other parent refuses to cooperate with court-ordered therapy or reunification efforts.
The Long-Term Impact Nobody Talks About
Severe parental alienation can lead to blind hatred of the target parent by the child, with more severe consequences occurring in children who lose the capacity to give and receive love from one of their parents.
This isn't just about your relationship with your child now—it's about their ability to form healthy relationships throughout their life.
Children rely on their parents and other adults in their lives to shape their cognitive understanding of the world. When a parent shares a distorted and negative perception of the target parent with the child, the child then begins to assume the distorted reality as truth.
This warping of reality doesn't just affect how they see you—it affects how they process trust, love, and relationships in general.
Children may feel guilt, sadness, and confusion about rejecting a parent. Feeling torn between parents can lead to long-term mental health struggles including anxiety and depression.
Even children who appear confident in their rejection of you are often experiencing internal conflict that manifests in other ways.
Losing connection with one parent can cause confusion about family roles and self-identity, and alienation can make it difficult for children to form healthy relationships in adulthood.
The psychological damage extends far beyond childhood, affecting their adult relationships, their parenting of their own children, and their overall mental health.
The Bottom Line for Colorado Parents
So, what does parental alienation mean for your family in Colorado? The simple answer is that it's serious, it's recognized by courts, and you have legal options.
The complete answer is that fighting alienation requires persistence, documentation, professional support, and often years of legal action.
Why Colorado's Approach Creates Hope
Colorado's family law framework prioritizes the child's relationship with both parents unless there are legitimate safety concerns.
This means courts start from the presumption that your relationship with your child matters and should be preserved. You're not fighting against a system that doesn't care—you're working within a system that recognizes parental bonds as fundamental to child wellbeing.
The absence of a specific "parental alienation statute" actually works in your favor in some ways. Rather than fitting into rigid definitions, courts can address the specific behaviors and their impact on your child without getting caught up in diagnostic labels or technical legal requirements.
What You Need to Know Right Now
Understanding how parental alienation works in Colorado reduces anxiety because it replaces fear of the unknown with realistic action steps.
You might not be able to immediately restore your relationship with your child, but you can take concrete steps today to protect your legal rights and document the situation.
Early intervention is everything. The longer alienation continues, the more severe the consequences, and the harder it becomes to repair the damage.
If you're noticing warning signs, don't wait for them to get worse. Document what's happening, consult with professionals, and understand your legal options.
Parental alienation, when proven, can result in additional parenting time being awarded to the non-alienating parent to ensure a meaningful and nurturing relationship with the child.
Courts have awarded equal custody and even primary custody to previously alienated parents when the evidence clearly demonstrates the other parent's interference.
Moving Forward With Your Eyes Open
The successful treatment will depend upon its severity. If the case is mild, the judge could tell the alienating parent to stop making disparaging comments about the other parent and abide by the parenting plan.
In moderate cases, therapeutic intervention often helps. In severe cases, you may need to pursue custody modification.
The key is approaching this situation with good information, realistic expectations, and experienced professional guidance.
You're not powerless, but you do need to be strategic. Random confrontations with the other parent won't help. Emotional reactions in court won't help. What helps is methodical documentation, expert evaluations, and a clear legal strategy.
Ready to Protect Your Relationship?
If you're experiencing parental alienation in Colorado, the family law team at Reputation Law Group understands the urgency and pain of watching your child turn against you. We've helped numerous Colorado parents navigate these complex cases, gather the right evidence, and present compelling arguments to the court.
We know which expert witnesses make the difference, how to document alienating behaviors effectively, and how to protect your relationship with your child while pursuing your legal rights.
Don't wait until the alienation becomes so severe that your child refuses all contact. Contact Reputation Law Group today to schedule a consultation and get the strategic guidance you need during this challenging time. Your relationship with your child is worth fighting for, and you don't have to fight alone.
